detox.

y'all are tired of hearing it: new year, new me. understandable. but i've got a good feeling about this year.

i'm discovering myself in ways i never thought i would. after surviving a record breaking hurricane (yeah, guys, legit) and losing a lot of things (i.e. my florist job, my puppy, and my vocal chord's reliability), somehow, i don't feel devastated. i feel focused.

okay y'all it wasn't immediate, but hear me out.

last year, i felt yucky. last year, i kept up horrible habits and regretted it. last year, i felt lost and alone and sad all the time. i felt like i was constantly running a marathon. and this was before the hurricane.

i decided early in december that i wanted to make changes. i wanted focus. i wanted stronger faith. i wanted to not feel like i was drowning. so i made resolutions, like i do every year. but this time, i can sense that something is different.

and if i'm being honest? i don't know. i don't know if i'm going to be able to keep this up. i don't know if when i look back at this year that i'll be able to say "i accomplished what i set out to do." but for right now, i'm on a detox. a further detox than what a category four hurricane already gave me. i'm only adding a few things into my routine, but for the most part, i'm cutting toxicity out. and for once, i'm happy to say that it's not other people's toxicity. it's just mine.

forgiveness for myself is coming. forgiveness for others is here. and the new year? she seems unusually bright.